Saturday, August 20, 2011

He is IN, and my far fetched fantasy

I'm not sure my son ever actually went into detox after he called me Sunday evening - however he is IN detox at the moment. He called his sister and asked her to bring him ciggs to the detox, which she did last night. He is sick and making his attempt at getting clean. I know he has a rough road ahead if he stays and follows through. I cringe at the thought of him dope sick and know how hard it will be for him for the next few days. there is nothing nice about heroin withdrawal but if he really wants this he will make it through.

I am taking this one hour at a time, hopeful he makes it this time. I know he can walk out and go right back to the streets with one single desperate addict thought and just like that it can be over. A mothers heart never stops hoping and I do believe he can do this. And circumstances have changed with the separation from his girlfriend. I'm still staying out of it.

Girlfriend called me to tell me he is in two nights ago- she is waiting for her spot in a long term residential inpatient facility referred by the courts. She is safe at home with her parents, sounded determined to do this. She is dope sick but she says it's starting to get better. She will wait possibly a few days to a month for her spot - she really hopes its days and not a month but she sounded like she really wants this and wants recovery. She hopes they allow her a very long term residential program because she knows that what she needs. I love her and hope so much this all works out for her and she gets the help she needs.

Now here is my fantasy dream outcome - (I am trying not to want as bad as I do because I am so afraid I'm setting myself up for disappointment)  -That he makes it the full 10 days with a true desire for recovery - this would be 3 days from the wedding, Then I bring him home for the first time in 2 years, clean, sober, and have my son back for the wedding. That's as far as I'm letting my mind go and perhaps I shouldn't be going there at all but I can't stop it.

Please don't beat me up for my hopes and dreams - I know it may be unrealistic but it a dream I so desperately desire that I want to believe it is at least possible. This is the first time in a full year that anything is finally moving in the right direction.


  1. You are allowed to dream, just be careful of your expectations.

    Being around a loving, supportive family after detox would be a nice homecoming...especially if the spotlight is not on him.

    On the other hand, if there are free-flowing drinks it might be a problem for him - even though alcohol is not his nemesis. (I don't remember reading whether the wedding will be alcohol-free.) Sending positive thoughts your way!

  2. Thanks Dee : ) While the wedding is not an alcohol free event - drinking will be limited due to funds, and of course this has crossed my mind. There is however a number of guests in recovery with varied lengths of sobriety so my hope would be he will have support in the recovery circle at the wedding.