Since Monday I have tried my best to let go. I am getting better. Turned him over to my higher power. Focus on my life. I am still riding the roller coaster but the peaks and valleys are not as high and low as they were last year when he attempted recovery.
Yesterday morning I got at text from him. It said - I'm at orientation for the long term rehab, I got in. Call me later, too much to text.
I immediately burst into tears of relief and went straight into my codependency role again. I text back - that's the best news ever..when do you go in? Do you have to wait for a bed? My mind was spinning out of control. Surely they wouldn't send a few day clean homeless heroin addict back to the street to call when a bed is available.
He text back - Whoa mom slow down! Not in yet, just accepted in. I'm eager too. I'll let you know when I know.
And yes - he spent the entire day there doing some orientation and he went back to the streets to wait. I still don't know when he will actually go. He told his sister it could be as soon as Monday next week. He has a case manager that is helping him navigate it all through some behavioral health center that he sought out himself. He was hoping to go to a shelter last night. He hadn't slept and wasn't able to get in a shelter the night before.
My head is still spinning. The mother in me wants to go get him and bring him here to protect him from the streets and the drug dealers until he can check into to the rehab. The recovery in me knows he has to figure it all out. I'm not going to get him. At least not yet.
Today I will wait and hope and do nothing. This is his to figure out. It is not good for me to think I should get involved - and not good for him either.