Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Long overdue update..

Thanks to those who have been praying and waiting on an update..

Both my son and his girlfriend got in rehabs and both son made it only 4 short days. Here is what transpired over the last few months.

I had made a decision to bring him home to wait for his bed in rehab. It had been two years since I had let him stay with us in our home.  It felt like the right thing to do at the time. He had detoxed off heroin and was doing all the right things to get to rehab and wait. The wait was about one month and that month for the most part was a special time for me to spend time with him. He was optimistic, helpful, had a good attitude and we spent some nice time bonding and reuniting for the first 3 weeks. The courts had arranged a social worker who got him on general assistance. We had discussed this $400 coming and I knew in my heart it was all bad. The day he was told his date to enter rehab we had only 1 wk to go and he got the GA $ and promptly went MIA. His was missing for 5 days but I knew exactly what had occurred. He walked to my house at 3am for hours with his tail between his legs. We only had 3 days to go for the bed so I let him back home to wait. The night before his check in, he disappeared again only to come back high as a kite. That night was crazy...he rambled like a mad man, cried all night, swore upside down and backwards that he wasn't high. I didn't even question, badger -  anything - I just wanted to check him in and get him out of my house. My hubby called it "operation get him the F out of here".

Hubby took the morning off work and dropped him off...I spent the first week full of hope but with lingering doubt. The place he went wouldn't tell us anything or even acknowledge he was there due to confidentiality.They have a 2 week black out period so at first I just waited for that two weeks to pass to get a call or letter. Neither ever came.

So for 8 weeks he was missing...this was a very dark period for me as I grieved and mourned my dreams for a clean and sober son - again. I spiraled into a depression and became frantic with fear and panic. I was obsessed with what had happened to him. Did he leave and OD? Did he leave and kill himself? I spent my spare time with a circle of calling everywhere he had contact with, case managers, jail, hospitals. I filed a missing persons report. His girlfriend had gotten into rehab and was doing fantastic..really optimistic, clean, healthy again. She had not heard one word from him either. So a couple of months passed and he finally called.

He said he thought I wouldn't want to hear from him if he left the rehab. I was just so relieved he was alive.

Sadly, his girlfriend left her rehab to find him and got herself kicked out. She promptly reunited with my son and they are currently living back on the streets, in cheap hotels and using heroin again. They both cycle in and out of jail, they manipulate the system and it revolving door of jail, courts, case workers, assistance just continues on and on. They both got arrested last week and were both out in 4 days. Now suddenly all her charged are just dropped - huh??  I am fed up with the system too but I guess they are overcrowded and overworked.

My son also just found out he is positive for Hep C...not really much of a shock as statistically almost all IV drug users will contract it. I am just relieved its not HIV for now. He is supposed to have a liver biopsy but with the life he is living I can't see him following through with any medical help or them providing much to a homeless addict. Again I hope this may be the thing that will create an intervention but not holding my breath.

I am letting go again - actually more then I ever have. As soon as I knew he was alive I have stopped holding onto such unrealistic dreams and have accepted the situation for what it is. I have given him a phone and he calls me once a week or so to check in and that is about all I want in the way of contact.

I will keep hoping that someday they will be ready, but in the meantime I am living my life. I am tired of the lies, I am tired of my focus being about him and his addiction...I am getting better.

Thanks to those reading and asking for updates.


  1. I am sorry you are going through this. My daughter once was missing for 3 months and I spent day and night searching until I found her, 600 miles away. I thought I was doing to go crazy during that time. In the meantime I don't have any contact with her anymore. It's been close to 4 years. It is sad but necessary if I want to live, because dealing with her would kill me. Prayers and hugs for you.

  2. I'm so sorry. May God bring you & them needed blessings & peace & strength to get through what is this terrible addiction monster. : (