Hope?

My son has some changes happening again and I'm trying not to get to mentally caught up in it but find myself wanting to hope again..

The revolving door of jails and courts is finally slamming shut on him. He is facing a year in jail but his case manager is asking the court for one last shot at rehab and recovery.

He started methadone a few days ago - he has finally realized he won't make it without help. He is due to enter a detox today, at the same long term residential rehab he left in October. The hope is they move him into a bed when the detox is over. The program supports methadone and they will assist in keeping him on it.

If the court says no - he will go to jail which he is terrified of.

Regardless of the motivation, he may actually do this. He is confidant the court will take the advise of the behavior health case manager and he will get treatment.

He is sleeping on the street - he says it is awful but he supposes it's a good thing because it reminds him why he does not want to continue this life of addiction.

He says he wants recovery, he says he is done. He says it is different this time. He says he wants a normal life again. He says he wants to do normal things like see a movie. His girlfriend is back home with her parents. She left the city when he got arrested again. She is doing well, attending meetings, sober.

So I have renewed hope..which scares me. The hope and the disappointment are a horrible roller coaster ride and I do better when I don't fill my mind with dreams of my son clean and in recovery. But today I am hoping again.

Maybe this is finally his bottom.