Holding strong

I have spoke to my son a few times..he got a phone charger, I reloaded the phone. No explanation was offered in regards to super bowl Sunday other then he had a really bad day.

He had orientation at the long term residential rehab yesterday, he continues to wait on the bed to open. He is continuing on the methadone and says it is going well. Dosing is the only thing he has to look forward to each day. He continues to make his needed court appearances and case manager appointments. The court is still not mandating the residential treatment due to him beginning the methadone outpatient. He says he wants residential treatment for himself because he knows he needs it.

My daughter bought him lunch twice this week already. He is not staying in shelters - he says they are worse then the street. He is a mess. He is dirty. He smells bad. He rides trains and buses around and sleeps on them.

I will not bring him home to wait for the bed this time.

It is a lingering regret that I brought him home last time to wait although at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. After the month long wait last time he stayed only 4 short days. I kept asking myself if because he was home waiting, he was fed, clean, had a comfortable bed to sleep in that it contributed to his short term memory loss of how bad it is out there.

I won't do it again..but I have to keep reinforcing the idea in my mind all day because the mom in me wants to throw him in the shower and give him a home cooked meal and a bed. He needs to want it bad this time. And being dirty, hungry, tired all will contribute to his desire to change his life. They are the consequences of the life he is living and he has to want for it for it to change and for recovery to stick more then his 4 day record.